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S E X 4 W O M E N . C O M Advice Column Question & Answer |
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Subject: Feeling LostQUESTION: I'm 19 years old, and I'm a lesbian. I have a girlfriend that I have been with for a little over a year. Her and I are both bipolar and have been properly diagnosed with it. A few months ago I moved 8 hours away from her to live with my mom again due to medication problems. While I was with her I felt wonderful I loved being with her and grieved when I was not with her. But now.... when my cell rings and its her number, I get angry because she calls me every 10 minutes or so. See while we lived together she wouldnt really have much to do with me and it left me feeling kinda, lost I guess you can say. But anyways. I feel as if I am fighting a lost cause because now I dont know if I even want to be with her. Everytime I start to tell her its over its like something shoves a quark in my mouth and I cant seem to tell her that. I dont know if I'm afraid of what her actions may be when I tell her or if I really do love her but am just fighting hard to keep happy knowing we are so far apart. so my first question is, how do I know what I want?? I'm so confused. Another thing is... and I think this is what is causing my confusion with her, but lately, I've been looking at some guys and I really really want a boyfriend. BUT I'm not comfortable with guys. I feel grossed out when they touch me or try to kiss me... there is one guy that does not make me feel this way. Out of all the guys I've tried to date and be with, this is the only guy that makes me feel comfortable. We grew up together and when we were like 14 and 15 my step sister married his dad. Him and I never thought about doing anything together until I was 17 and he was 16 and he stayed with me and a few things happened. (he penetrated but did not pop my cherry because i wouldnt let him because it hurt, I guess I'm a chicken) but what im saying is, i want to be with him but he says he cant be with me because it would be wierd now considering my STEP sister married his dad (is this wrong to have feelings for him since my step sister married his dad? incessed???) ..... (they are divorced now though). But this guy doesnt have a problem with calling me up and telling me he's coming over and he gets basically what he wants out of me everytime he comes over because its so hard to say no to someone I've grown up with and known my whole life. I think I have MAJOR feelings for him but its only causing me to hurt myself alot more. Especially when I think about my girlfriend. I've only cheated on my girlfriend with him 2 times. When I'm with him I dont think about her. I dont even want to be with her when Im with him. But the point is. He don't want a relationship with me. Just wants sex. He's hoping that eventually I'll let him go all the way with me I guess. HELP ME PLEASE! When I think of this MESS I just cry my eyes out. I'm so lost. Plz help. REPLY: I always find it upsetting when someone writes that they are "lost", and you've said that twice in your note. That is a terrible way to feel, and when you feel that way, it is time to get some help. Writing here is the first step and that's good, but I am not a trained counselor. This is what you need to sort out your very complicated situation. You've got a lot of issues happening here - confusion over sexual preference, attraction to a guy who is offering no commitment, a failing long-distance relationship - it's a lot on your plate, especially for someone relatively young. Is it possible that you could talk with a local counselor, someone who is a professional? You probably don't know the first place to look for such a service, so call your local AIDS Committee. Every large community has one, and they are tremendous resources. They know all the local services and are always happy to help anyone. If that's not working for you and this depression continues, call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. By the way, all these type of problems typically work themselves out over time, so don't give up. Just chip away at them, one at a time. - KT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . [ submit a tip/comment for this question here ] | [ submit a new question here ] User Submitted Tips/Comments: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
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