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S E X 4 W O M E N . C O M Advice Column Question & Answer |
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Subject: Husband Lost InterestQUESTION: My husband and I have been married twice to each other. The first time we were married, we had a great sex life! Then during our time separated, I refused to have sex with him until we were married again. But since we remarried, he has had very little interest in sex. By quite accident, I seen him masterbating in the shower. He refuses to talk to me about it, claiming masterbating in the shower had nothing to do with his sex drive. He has been to the doctor and all tests came back normal, the doctor couldn't give him any answers. I had taken it personally and I had gained a bit of weight, so I lost 55 lbs, and look great, I have kept it off for over a year now, and it hasn't changed anything. We might have sex every other month or so. I am 39 and he is 44. He won't go to a therapist, can you offer any suggestions to get him more interested? Or suggest what has went wrong? REPLY: I'm not a counselor, but this is typical of the emails we receive from couples in a long-term relationship - whether they have been married twice or not! Two points - his lack of interest may just be natural aging. At 44, his libido could be on the decline. Maybe your expectations are a bit high? Masturbating in the shower could mean nothing. Men masturbate throughout their lifetimes, and that's because they are lazy - it's quicker and easier than a roll in the hay. So, I don't think that's odd at all. The second point - and this is where you could use a counselor - is that diminished sex in a relationship can be a symptom of poor communication between the partners. As intimacy dries up, so can the sex. Always approach this with a good, open, honest discussion. Don't lay blame (very important) and listen to his feelings (also very important). Often a discussion like this will increase the intimacy. Try that. - KT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . [ submit a tip/comment for this question here ] | [ submit a new question here ] User Submitted Tips/Comments: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
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