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S E X 4 W O M E N . C O M Advice Column Question & Answer |
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Subject: Not Welcomed Because I'm GayQUESTION: I'm going back to the South - where my family lives for Thanksgiving. I've just found out that my father is not allowing me to stay at my parent's house because I'm gay. It hurts like hell - and I'm not even sure why it hurts so much. Have any suggestions? REPLY: The first thing you need to let sink DEEP inside you is this is HIS problem, not yours. When people reject you because you are gay - because of who you are, it is THEIR problem and not at all about you. Bigotry and discrimination is rooted in fear, and to underscore my point - it is THEIR fear, not yours. But it is your family and so many gay people go through these types of conflicts, which seem to come more obviously to the surface at the holidays. You grieve for the family you needed and did not have. You yearn for simple acceptance by the parents who brought you into this world. You are not responsible for their actions and words, but you are responsible for your own. Find where you can feel compassion for those who struggle with such unfounded fears and inappropriate judgements. And where you are directly confronted by their rejection and inappropriate behavior, speak calmly and from a place of strength and self-esteem, that what they are saying and doing is inappropriate, that is hurtful, that it is THEIR choice to act in this way, but it doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means you don't have to put up with it. You'll feel empowered and you'll put the dysfunction where it belongs - with them. Good luck! - KT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . [ submit a tip/comment for this question here ] | [ submit a new question here ] User Submitted Tips/Comments: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
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