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S E X 4 W O M E N . C O M Advice Column Question & Answer |
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Subject: Can't Reach OrgasmQUESTION: It is probably unusual for a woman to be wondering about this, but my boyfriend can't reach orgasm. I have done everything I possibly can, but it is driving a wedge between us now. He is able to orgasm when masturbating. Because it takes so long for him to even feel like he might get to orgasm he is loathe to let me touch him "down there" or even to let us have sex. Instead, he focuses entirely on stimulating me. While that is great, it is affecting our intimacy. I don't mind taking the time to make him relax enough to reach orgasm, but what can he or I do to correct this problem? I have asked him if there is anything I can do differently for him, but he is as stumped as myself. REPLY: Good communication is important and it sounds like you are talking about it with your partner. Keeping the blame out of it is important. The problem is his, obviously, not yours, and it's Delayed Ejaculation, which is very common. Usually it has psychological roots - e.g. fear of getting you pregnant, fear of hurting you, fear of failure, etc. There's a whole potpourri of possible, unconscious reasons. He can help the situation by masturbating almost to the point of ejaculation before starting intercourse with you. That is the standard way to handle DE. Often, it gets better over time as fears recede. So, try the masturbation trick first. - KT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . [ submit a tip/comment for this question here ] | [ submit a new question here ] User Submitted Tips/Comments: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
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