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S E X 4 W O M E N . C O M Advice Column Question & Answer |
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Subject: Don't TouchQUESTION: I have an issue which I need to figure out how to fix. I've never been in a relationship or done anything physical. I'm almost 19 and I'm a lesbian, and I want a really affectionate girlfriend whenever the time comes, but I also don't like to be touched sexually. Even just fantasizing I HATE the idea of a girl, even one I really love, doing anything sexual to me. I'm totally happy just doing all the work and letting her lay back and enjoy. But I see the problem in that if I find an affectionate girl she'll be incredibly hurt the first time I say 'don't do that.' I can't figure out what's wrong because I was never sexually abused or anything like that. And as far as I know I have no medical problems and no serious psychological ones. Is there something I can do about this besides pretending it doesn't really bother me to have a person's hands all over me? I want to try and fix it before it becomes an issue. REPLY: Because you said it bothers you, it might be something you want to understand on a deeper level. Or it may be a self-acceptance issue. Some butch lesbians, referred to as 'stone butches', do not like to be touched sexually but get all their sexual satisfaction out of pleasing their partner - one way. Some women are really atttracted to this dynamic and some are not. Some want more of a "switch" which is a woman who can both give pleasure and receive pleasure. But it's not about labels or categories. It's about what feels best for you and what you want from a relationship. If receiving sexual pleasure is really uncomfortable for you and you really don't want to explore maybe being more on the receiving end, then it is about not making yourself wrong about it. It is just the way you are and you'll need to find partners who are compatible with that dynamic, and I assure you - they are out there. - KT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . [ submit a tip/comment for this question here ] | [ submit a new question here ] User Submitted Tips/Comments: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
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